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What if your friend doesn’t want to chat? Treating each other with respect and kindness will help make this conversation a bit easier, and show that you both care about your friendship. When things get heated, someone is bound to say hurtful things that they’ll later regret. Five minutes for some fresh air or a walk around the block will help you to calm down. If one of you gets emotional or angry, take a breather. If you need time to think about it, let your friend know and agree to revisit the topic later. Try not to blame anyone for what’s happened. If you’re feeling this way, you have this opportunity to clear up any misunderstandings. Maybe you felt like you were being excluded from invites or group chats, but after you bailed a few times, your friend may have thought you weren’t interested in hanging anymore. You might also be surprised to hear that something you did played a part. It’s not easy for someone to hear that a friend is unhappy with them, so they might act a little defensive or offer excuses for their actions. Your friend might be surprised at how you feel, or not know that their behaviour was affecting you negatively. ‘It would be great if you could not say those things in front of other people.’īe prepared to listen to their point of view They might not realise that you feel this way. ‘ I’ve been feeling xxx when you do xxx.’ ‘I really value our friendship, and want us to stay good friends, so I wanted to chat to you about something that has been on my mind lately.’
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A bit of privacy, and somewhere neutral where you both feel comfortable, will help ease any nerves. The place and time of the conversation are important. You could show what you’ve written to someone else you trust, such as a sibling, parent or another friend. Instead, try this: ‘I feel hurt that we don’t hang out at my house.’ Statements that begin with ‘you’, such as ‘You never come to my house’, can seem like a personal attack so your friend might get defensive. Using ‘I’ statements is an effective way to communicate your feelings. Writing down what you want to say can help clarify your thoughts. Before you chat, you could even let your friend know that you’re a bit nervous and would really appreciate it if they were patient with you. If you’re not a fan of confrontation (honestly, who is?!), the following steps will help you feel a bit more comfortable with talking about issues with your friend. Do you want to clear up a miscommunication, address an old argument or grudge, or set boundaries? Whatever it is, make sure it’s clear in your mind before you and your friend meet to talk. What do you want?īefore you do or say anything, think about what you want to achieve from this chat. Here are our steps to help you have a direct conversation about friendship issues. You’re thinking of talking to them about the issue, or even ending your friendship. Maybe you’ve recognised that something your friend is doing or saying to you is making you feel like crap. There’s more to being a good friend than just liking the same movies. Friendships can seem so easy sometimes: I like hanging out with you, you like hanging out with me – boom, we’re friends! It can be that simple, but it can also be tricky.